Rules of minimalism

Yesterday I wrote a post titled “How many shoes do you need?” I shared it on Facebook and got a few interesting responses. Most of them were actual responses about actual shoes. While I’m glad people have reasons for specific shoes, that wasn’t quite my point. The shoes are a means to an end. You can insert anything for shoes and still have a question that only you can answer.

There has been a big push toward minimalism. But the interesting part of it is that there isn’t any specific “rules” that you must follow. If you want to have 20 shirts, you can. If you want to have 5 shirts, you can too. Really, the biggest rule is how you justify what you have and why you have it. And whether you consider yourself a minimalist or not, Justifying what you have and why you have it is practical and benefiical.

Whether it’s shoes and you having your reasons for 10 pairs of shoes, or CDs and your reasons for having 125 of them, or anything else you come up with, asking yourself the questions, “Why do I have this?”, as well as “Do I need this?” and “What purpose does this serve” will definitely help you to sort out the things that need to stay and the things that need to go.

So it’s not completely about shoes. It’s not about rules. It’s about your individual reasons for why you have what you have. I would guess that many of us, myself included, have plenty of things in our houses that we don’t have very strong reasons for why we have.

How many shoes do you need?

This topic was something my wife and I go back and forth on from time to time. Recently, I brought the topic up and she told me. Black shoes, brown shoes, casual shoes, heels, flats...and she kept going and after that my head started spinning.

When it comes to things, this question of how many do you need is an interesting one. And I’ve gone through this in my life. How many CDs do I need? How many shirts do I need? How many.....you name it.

With minimalism, there aren’t really any specific rules. That’s part of the beauty of it. You’re in charge. For me, the question of shoes is simple. Black and brown dress shoes, running shoes, old running shoes to wear for mowing, causal shoes, and a pair of boots. I’ve got a couple of pair of flip flops, but I rarely wear them. Simple, right? And even that might be excessive to some. But that’s what I’ve chosen as my amount of shoes.

I’m not dogging my wife for her amount of shoes. She does have a lot of them, and over the years we’ve been married, she does do a good job of going through them from time to time to cull them. But whether it is shoes, clothes or anything else, it can be quite easy to justify and explain why we need to have so many of some item. And if we’re honestly asking ourselves the question of if it is needed or what number is needed, we may realize that we don’t need as much as we thought we did.

So...how many shoes do you need?

When plans change...

On Thursday, I wrote about what’s most important and not getting so wrapped up in the busyness of life that you neglect your family or anything else that is important. This weekend, I’ve been reminded of that even more. We were supposed to go on a family camp out but due to the threat (and reality) of heavy rains last night into today, the camping was canceled. So, we were left with a weekend that we expected to be busy, and now was much more flexible. What to do?

Friday was different. Instead of me planning to leave early so that we could go camping, I was able to get more things done. I even got to have lunch with my family, because my girls had an early release from school and my wife had taken the day off of work because of the camping trip. So that was a huge win right there. Friday nights are usually movie night. We ate pizza, the girls picked a couple of movies. And once they went to bed, my wife and I watched Justic League.

Saturday, we were going to skip my youngest daughter’s soccer game because of camping....but she got to play. Then we had contacted our realtor that since we weren’t camping, we could look at houses. We spent the rest of the morning looking at 5 houses. One was a maybe and the rest were ok. Then we went and saw A Wrinkle in Time, because my oldest really wanted to see it and we had read her the book. It was a fun movie.

Today (Sunday), I’m off from playing for worship. It’s been a relaxing, restful morning. We’ll be going to a couple of open houses this afternoon and then a pizza party at my girls’ school. All in all, a restful, fun, good weekend.

Why does all of this matter? Our weekends (and weeks) have been busy. Our upcoming weekends (and weeks) will be busy. Having time to rest, relax and spend time together as a family has been what we all needed. Would it have been fun camping? Sure. But it would have been work and not really as restful as what we got to do this weekend.

When plans change, how do you respond? By nature, I am a planner. I have learned to be more spontaneous and go with the flow. Sure, I’d like to have a plan, a direction, a way to go laid out even before I begin. But I’ve learned that it’s in those times where you are spontaneous, where you have the change of plans that you can really have fun, make memories and get refreshing. Have you had times when your plans changed? How did you respond?

What’s important?

In life, it’s always good to step back and take inventory of your priorities. Just to make sure that you’re on track and focusing on what you need to focus on. Yesterday, I had an opportunity to do that.

You see, 13 months ago, my dad died. My mom lives in Waco, 3 hours from Houston, where I live. She had bronchitis, was sent to a pulmonologist for a breathing test and some things of concern showed up. So, yesterday, she had a follow up. Because she has a hard time hearing, even with hearing aids, and is getting more and more forgetful, she asked if I could come. I said absolutely. So, I dropped my daughters off at school, spent 3 hours in the car, did a few things for her around the house, went with her to her appointment (all is well) and drove back home. It was a long, exhausting day, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

So what’s important? To me, it’s not stuff. It’s not activities. It’s not even work. I enjoy those things and enjoy doing them. To me, what I hope that people see and say is my priority is my family. That I prioritize them first over anything else. I know that I haven’t always made those choices to put them first all the time. And the reality is, there may be times when I get off track again. But have an opportunity to refocus and reset are always beneficial.

So.....what’s important to you? Is it evident to others through your choices and actions?

Simple

In response to my post yesterday "Discipline and focus", I received a comment. It said "Wow, you mean the secret to getting things done is just doing them? And the cure for a lack of discipline is sticking to your calendar? Why didn't I think of that!" 

If eating healthy were so simple, why is the diet and exercise industry so large?

If keeping a neat and tidy home were so simple, why are there so many resources out there to help you, or how many people pay someone else to clean their homes?

If staying disciplined were so simple, why are there so many books about how to be more disciplined?

I don't ask these questions to argue, rather, to make the point that these things aren't as simple as they seem to be. While we may have the best of intentions to do things, there are other things that get in the way. Or, as was my point in writing the post yesterday, we lose focus. As I said, I'm awesome at being focused for short periods of time....and then I fall off. And I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

While I may have the best of intentions for my calendar, being a church music minister, things come up. Like funeral. The last 2 weeks, I've had 2 funerals to prepare for and play for. That takes priority over other things when it comes to practicing. 

When you work, when you have children, or even if you don't, maintaining focus and discipline is not the simplest thing in the world. If the secret to get things done is just doing them, then we'd have no problems. We'd be the most productive people on the planet. The productivity section in your local bookstore would cease to exist. If the cure for a lack of discipline is sticking to your calendar, then calendar sales would be off the charts! But neither of these are the case. Why? Because it's not that simple.

Life is a series of choices. Sometimes we choose well. Sometimes we choose poorly. I've made my share of good choices. I've made my share of poor choices. As I've grown older, I've learned that I don't have all of the answers, and I try to look to and lean on others for help. Because it's not that simple. 

So is that it? Just throw your hands up and say, "well, it's not that simple, so I'm sunk"? Not at all. My point in writing the post yesterday and this one is to share that while it isn't simple, you keep trying. While I did awesome in January at eating healthy and exercising, and staying focused, I didn't in February, March and so far in April. Does that mean that I'm sunk for the year? Of course not! It's only April! There's 7 and a half months to learn from those mistakes, make better choices and make progress. I haven't managed my time as well as I should have. Same point applies. And the same thing goes for you. It's not simple. But it's doable. And it's necessary. So I pray that you are able to find those things that bring you focus and discipline, as I pray that I am too. 

Discipline and focus

Yesterday I came across a post on Facebook which really hit me. It was “Clutter is no just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.” There’s a lot to unpack, but I’m going to deal with what hit me out of that quote.

I’m awesome at something. I do really great at it. It’s a talent that I have.....but I don’t want to be that way anymore. What am I awesome at? Being focused, successful and disciplined for a short period of time. And then I fall completely off the wagon. Whether that’s exercise, practicing music, composing music, being organized and cleaning up regularly, blogging, and more....I’m awesome at being focused and doing great for short, maybe 2-4 week spurts....and then for whatever reason, I quit. I stop.

So how does it change? That’s the struggle. Of course the easy answer is, “suck it up buttercup”. But that only goes so far.  So what changes? What is different? I wish I could say there is a magic bullet that if you do this one thing, everything falls into place. Ain’t gonna happen. What it is going to take is a plan, focus and consistency.

So how do I exercise more? Well, back on about Ash Wednesday (February 14th) I quit walking. Why? I chose sleeping in. This morning, that changed. I got up and took the dog for a walk, even though it was cold (for Texas) and it’s going to be a long day. That’s even more reason for me to do it.

How do I practice more? I calendar it. And I stick to that calendar. This is one of the hardest ones because throughout my week, my schedule isn’t always “regular”. There may be meetings that come up, funerals to practice for (that’s happened the last 2 weeks after Easter) and more. So it’s a matter of doing my best and when I’m practicing, focusing on using that time as well as I can.

How do I compose more? That’s easy. Just do it. Actually, the laptop I’ve used to compose is a few years old and it’s run slowly....which, of course, works great when you’re fantastic at making excuses. Of course I made excuses to not do anything because of schedule, computer being slow, and really, honestly, what the answer is, I was scared. Composing music puts you out there. You’ll get plenty of rejections, non responses or tepid encouragements. I’ve gotten plenty of all of them. But I feel called to be a composer, so the only way I can call myself a composer is......to do it.

How do I get and stay organized and keep the house clean. Funny, right? Well, yesterday was my oldest’s 9th birthday. We got the house (and her room) cleaned. So, keeping up shouldn’t be too hard. It’s about doing a few things each night after the girls go to bed. Of course, moving (as we’re hoping to) will lead to even more of a focus and attention to organization, what needs to stay or go, etc.

And finally, blogging.....how do I do it regularly? Just like doing things before bed, I sit down and write out posts. Whether that’s going to be daily or a few days a week, that remains to be seen. But in a previous blog incarnation, I planned out the month coming up and topics to write about. That helped to keep me focused. With this blog, I haven’t. I’ve basically been spitballing, throwing things against the wall, and been unplanned.....and yet you still read it. So thanks for that! I know that I’m capable of giving you better ideas and information than I have in the past, and I look forward to doing it.

How about how? Where do you struggle with discipline and focus? What habits are you wanting to adjust, change or drop completely? Comment with those habits!

Are you a superhero?

In talking about expectations of self, as I did in yesterday’s post, one of the things we struggle with is that we expect far too much of ourselves and when it doesn’t go perfectly or as flawlessly as we think it should, we quit. I think it’s a superhero complex. We feel we can do everything, fix everything and everyone and still have time to make dinner. News flash: it isn’t going to happen.

I’m a church musician. One of the things that I’ve found in comparing my two very busy seasons of Advent/Christmas and Lent/Easter is that Advent/Christmas is neatly wrapped up in a 4 week period, with two really big, busy days of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. For Lent/Easter, it’s a 6 week period with a really big, busy week of Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter. Sure, December for everyone else is busy, and that compounds the hectic nature of the season. But I’ve regularly found that by the time Easter Sunday afternoon rolls around, I’m exhausted. It’s a good exhausted, but I’m worn out. And so today is the recovery. Sure, I could dive back in to the organizing and cleaning that I’ve wanted to do and needed to do. I could check things off my list. But today, my goal is to find the kitchen table, do dishes and laundry, find the kitchen counter and do yard work. That’s a good amount to do, but my girls are off of school today, so I wouldn’t be able to be a whirling dervish of work anyway.

So, to the question I posed in the title of this post. Are you a superhero? If you answered “I’m Batman”, nicely done. None of us are. So why do we expect ourselves to be? Give yourself a bit (or a bunch) of grace. Keep plugging away, little by little. Set your goals and your plans for the day to be achievable, but give yourself a reward. Maybe it’s watching an episode or 2 (not 20) of your favorite show. Maybe it’s going for a walk. Whatever it is, give yourself that reward for knocking out things on your to-do list. And keep plugging away. While you’re not a superhero, you’re still very capable of plenty of amazing and awesome things.

Expectations

I took a break from Facebook starting on February 14th. I didn’t miss it. That was intentional. Also on February 14th, I started an unintentional break from walking and from writing blog posts. In this time period of the last 6 weeks, I’ve had an opportunity to think about that word expectation for a while.

There’s really 2 expectations. The expectations you place on yourself and the expectations others place on you. I want to unpack that aspect of personal expectations for a bit. In his book “Finish”, my friend Jon Acuff writes about how we make goals for ourselves, the goals may be a bit unrealistic, or something comes up to change that status, and we end up quitting. He talks about it in a lot more detail, but that’s a lot of what happened to me. I quit. I’ll admit that. My excuses were noble. And somewhat legitimate. I got sick for 2 weeks in that time period and still had to keep going with work and life. But what about those other days? Why didn’t I make healthy choices or walk or better manage my time? The honest answer, as I’ve been processing through it is.....I just didn’t want to. But today is a new month. A new start. So what makes today different than any other day? Well, it’s Easter. That means that my 6 week period of Lenten busyness is over. So what? That will be replaced by end of school busyness was a parent, preparing my musical groups for a concert in May, working with my team to plan summer camp in July and many, many more things to do. On top of that, God willing, we’ll be finding a house to purchase, so we’ll have to pack up, move and get settled in the midst of all of that. I’m guessing that while you may not be in the specific boat that I’m in, your schedule is busy, too. So how do you balance and manage those expectations and that schedule?

I come back to one word again and again. Organization. If you’re on top of things and deal with them immediately, you will be less overwhelmed. Again, that’s something I haven’t done well, not just over the past 6 weeks, but for years. I know I’m capable of it, but it’s a matter of doing it. Organization is simple things like dealing with mail immediately, cleaning your kitchen counters before you go to bed, doing dishes and putting them away, doing laundry and putting it away immediately. Those things may seem simple, but after a long day, you may not have the “want to” to do it. You’ve got to do it. Of course, there’s the bigger things like going through your clothes, books, digital files, etc. and while that takes more time, it is most definitely helpful and worth it.

One of the things I did on Friday at my desk before I left was to make sure that the top of it was picked up and organized. That way, after my hibernation tomorrow, I can dive into things on Tuesday and not have to be stressed about starting with my desk.

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll be dealing with this topic of organization and what it looks like and some simple and easy things to do. I hope you’ll keep checking back and also commenting with your ideas and tips for what works for you!